Keeping Me Honest

I remember studying the 4 stages of culture shock in college sociology class. They are (according to this site):

1. The Honeymoon Stage


Everything about the new culture will delight and stimulate the new arrival. The language will be studied with enthusiasm and great progress will be made. Memories of home are still close to mind and this has a protective value on the individual.

2. The Disintegration Stage

This stage can arrive without warning and can be triggered by a small incident or without any cause. Cultural differences will no longer be celebrated but be viewed as a source of conflict. A person may feel confused, isolated and depressed whilst missing familiar supports.

3. The Reintegration Stage

At this stage a person may begin to compare the new culture unfavourably with home. He/she begins to reject the differences encountered. Feelings of anger, frustration and hostility to the new culture begin to surface. Comfort food from the person’s home country may be sought and consumed with delight. This is quite a healthy reaction. The person is reconnecting with what he/she valued about themselves and their own culture.

4. The Acceptance Stage

A kind of equilibrium is attained in this stage where the person learns to accept both difference and similarity. The individual becomes more relaxed and confident as he/she becomes more familiar with situations and is able to cope well. Most experiences become enjoyable and one is able to make choices according to their own values and preferences.

Here's my own pre-moving cycle:

1. The Elation, Champagne Toasting Stage
2. The "Oh this is actually real" Stage
3. The "Maybe New York isn't so bad and I'm making a huge mistake" Stage
4. The "I'm a Nutbag" Stage
5. TBA...

I've recently passed through Stage number 3 and am entering Stage number 4. It's amazing what we get attached to without even knowing it. The prospect of moving made me admit to myself what I really value.

Boxing turned out to be as important to me as I thought it was, Burlesque maybe more than I thought, my friends-- about what I thought, and a new discovery: I might gravitate more toward responsible choices than I thought.

The "I Must Be Nuts" stage involves a lot of self reproach for being so silly. But the fact that my good friend Keren (who is moving to Israel) is still in Stage 3 helps me not to feel like a lonely nut job.

My prediction for Stage 5: Holy Shit, I Still Don't Have an Apartment!