Just a Second

Kidney infection, flat tire, and poor self-esteem. It aint that bad. But how can you take all your clothes off in front of a crowd, sit at a bar ass-naked and still feel like nobody wants to do you or thinks you're cool? Easy.

Fuck all ya'll. I'm sick of worrying bout you.

How do I feel about it... little slimey and out of character. Not very "sweet annika" but a departure from that name may be good. The beauty of life is that you can reinvent yourself with every diappointment, heart-failure, and sideswipe. And you can always reinvent yourself back. Well almost always.

I want to invent more of myself I know is there. That self that's got that swagg, and can lean on it. And the catchphrase is "honey badger don't give a shit."

Week One

PMS and Pinesol

Ok, so, the last 3 days have wrought a turn for the worser. A new dog is fun to walk, but not fun to pinesol and anxiate about.

And what did I say on Friday? Seems my ovaries, or perhaps some sort of breakup cycle erased 2/3 of that. Well, not erased, let's say cloaked.

My thing: at first I am better but then she gets better. In my mind of course, because how does that really change. I haven't even seen her to know that she is better, or worse. Though talking to her might help me see the worse part. That was mean. I take it back a little. Because I do miss .. her, or when she allowed me to break shit down, or something.

I know that I am still supposed to be strong and a he-woman and taking back my days n such, but I need a few more pep talks and maybe one less ovary.

For now I will say that I rock, even though I'm uncertain. But at least I have the nuts to admit the latter. There are some who don't.

Ah Feck But Not Quite At All

So this turn around I'm having weird remembrances of a past beginning. Meaning I'm finally getting to back to feeling who I used to feel. And I'm not reaching to be able to say that. It's just happening, on its own. My brain is doing it for me somehow. How can this be so different than the last 2 times. I could be an old pro by now, or maybe I'm finally just succumbing to that fact that I both don't matter and matter a lot.