Ways to Show You've Got

Here's the New Orleans Guide to proving you're privileged, tailored to your specific lifestyle:

Young businessman: Buy two cars -- a sensible one to go to work and a flashy piece of sports machinery to park outside of clubs on the weekend.

Middle-aged businessman: Join a cheap gym and take every opportunity to tell the young, impressionable women at the gym what you do, and, by implication, how big your paycheck is.

Old Businessman: Drive around in your convertible with the top down. If it's cold, suck it up -- do this until the temperature drops below 40. Whenever possible, dangle a cigar lazily out of the side of your mouth.

Musician (successful): Mention your label and how supportive it is as much as possible and especially when in conversation with a female. (Keeps the label and your sex-drive happy.) Talk a lot about all the leisure activities you can partake in while the squares work 9-5.

Rapper: Simple. Get a gold grill installed on your front teeth. Same for your car.

College Student: Live in a part of town that's expensive, but to the naked eye, passes as bohemian. Only mention that your father owns the three blocks you live on to "certain" people. Buy sweatshirts with your law school's name on them in five colors, but avoid mentioning your parents are paying your tuition.